She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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