She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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