I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
