just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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