i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
