did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
