the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
