he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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