Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Randomize
