I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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