He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
