What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
