yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
