im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
