Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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