i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
