Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
