Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
