Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I wish i was in the wii world.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
