There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
false alarm. still invincible.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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