if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
wakey wakey hands off snakey
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
