you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Randomize
