He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Randomize
