I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
