A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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