I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
