I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
