you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
