Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
