i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
