Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
