Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
