It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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