I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
