Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
