Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
