i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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