Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
