i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
