You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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