What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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