these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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