I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
