I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
