The maid of honor just puked.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Drake has all the answers
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
