new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
