you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
