Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
