Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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