i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
