Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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