wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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