nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
