I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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