It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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