Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
