Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
