Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
