i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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