I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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