Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
