This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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