Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
