Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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