You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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