I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
