I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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