your thong is hanging out like whoa
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
