Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
