Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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