nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
