Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
