i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
