First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
