she was so not down for the gang bang
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
