I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
