Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
