party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
