i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
