I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
