am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Your cock deserves a montage
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
