Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
