so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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