so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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