I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
